


Insecurities

by monumentalnightmare



Series: Wayhaught One Shots [2]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Insecurity, Past Waverly/Champ, reassurance, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 06:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11868177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monumentalnightmare/pseuds/monumentalnightmare
Summary: There are some things Waverly doesn’t like to discuss with Nicole regarding their relationship, but her girlfriend has a way of helping her open up.





	Insecurities

Before Waverly began exploring her sexuality, she dated a few guys – the main one being Champ Hardy. He was the one person at school who seemed to ignore the fact that she was an Earp and wouldn’t be awkward around her. Champ actually seemed to like her and that made Waverly feel really good. It was what she had always wanted – someone to like her for herself. When they began dating, things still seemed off. He didn’t pay that much attention to her unless he was touching some part of her body or kissing her – it didn’t exactly make her feel wanted. At first, it was nice that someone wanted to be around her, but then she just got sick of him touching her all the time. She realized it didn’t make her feel good and it was more of a chore than enjoyment.

Whenever they had sex, the few times they did since she avoided it as much as she could, Waverly didn’t enjoy it at all. Champ cared more about his pleasure than her own so the first time they did have sex, the pain was unbearable. She remembers crying herself to sleep once he was unconscious – luckily, they had been at his place or else Wynonna would most likely have beaten him to a pulp. Ever since that day, and the few times she had sex with him after that, she had been extremely insecure about the sexual side of the relationship. It was as though she couldn’t get sexually aroused because of the fear of the pain she had felt in the past – Champ wasn’t the only person this had happened with either. A few guys she had dated before him had the same thing happen and it was as though Waverly had gotten to the point where any person she dates just makes her insecure.

Nicole Haught. Damn, she is a completely different category. Before they met, Waverly had never even thought about being with another woman. Yes, she had seen other girls in her year and thought they were hot, but Waverly had just put it down to admiring the way they look. She never thought it was because she could be into women and the thought of that never even crossed her mind – no one she grew up with ended up being homosexual so it never even came up. Nicole changed all of that. She came in confident and was never like anyone she had met in the past. She was beautiful and once they met, Waverly started to realize she may have had feelings like this before. They were just ones she didn’t want to admit. When you grow up in a small town where everyone knows everyone it’s hard to be yourself – you have to fit in or you are cast aside. After having Wynonna taken away, she needed to fit in and it took her ages before everyone started treating her as Waverly instead of ‘the sister of the girl who shot her own father’. When people started to like her for the person she is, Waverly focused on being that person. She didn’t have time to figure out a lot of stuff so she did what everyone expected. Date guys, smile and not act weird. Nicole Haught changed all of that when she walked into Shorty’s.

Everything about Nicole and their relationship was different to anyone she had ever dated and it wasn’t just because of being with a woman for the first time. Nicole actually cared about her and never pushed her into anything she didn’t want. The redhead had never once even mentioned the sexual side to their relationship when Champ didn’t wait before mentioning it. A lot of the time she wanted to compare Nicole to Champ but there wasn’t even any competition. Nicole was everything she had wanted in a person and sometimes she had to pinch herself just to make sure she’s awake since it seems as though she walked right out of her dreams. Waverly knows how cheesy that sounds but it’s true – how did she get so lucky? They hadn’t been dating very long but even just thinking about the prospect of having sex with Nicole scared Waverly. Hell, she had to stop herself from shaking sometimes when she thinks about it. What if Nicole realizes she can’t get aroused and leaves? It would be the best thing, right? Who wants a sexless relationship?

Currently, Waverly is standing at the kitchen sink in Nicole’s apartment cleaning one of the cups she had been using. Nicole popped into work not long ago so Waverly just decided to stay and clean up a little. It was nice to have time to think without worrying about Nicole asking questions. She had done everything she could to not talk to her girlfriend about her fears – Waverly knew she wasn’t ready to be disappointed or hurt. It was all new but she really liked Nicole and wasn’t ready to let her go. Not yet.

Putting the clean mug on the draining board whilst deep in thought meant Waverly didn’t hear any doors opening and closing so when she felt a pair of arms move around her waist, she couldn’t help but tense and freeze out of habit.  She remembers when Champ used to do the same thing and it wasn’t uncommon for him to make a move and try and get her into bed.  She hated it and the fact that she couldn’t be calm even in her girlfriend’s apartment wasn’t something to be proud of. Waverly felt a pair of familiar soft lips against her jaw helping her to calm down a little before she allowed herself to relax leaning back into the familiar embrace.

“It’s only me, baby,” Nicole whispered into her ear before pressing her lips against Waverly’s temple. “I’d be very worried if it wasn’t since I locked the door behind me when I left.”

Waverly bites her lip nodding before drying her hands and tracing her fingers along Nicole’s arms. “You just surprised me, that’s all.”

She closed her eyes enjoying the way Nicole is holding her when she feels herself being turned around. Opening her eyes, Waverly is met by her girlfriend who is giving her a warm smile which is definitely helping her relax a little more. Waverly moves her hands up Nicole’s arms locking her fingers behind her neck. Nicole’s hands remain on her waist before pulling her closer so their bodies are pressed against each other. It makes Waverly a little nervous but she’s trying her best not to show it.

“Waves – you okay?”

She doesn’t process Nicole is talking to her until she notices her mouth moving.  Smiling, Waverly nodded her head in response not wanting to alarm the redhead.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Waverly asked, leaning up pressing her lips against Nicole’s trying to distract her. “I’m just happy, that’s all.”

Nicole raises her eyebrow pulling back a little. It alarms Waverly wondering what is going on when Nicole takes her hands in her own stroking the skin with her thumbs.  Waverly feels her heart-pounding – she isn’t sure what Nicole is thinking and that really doesn’t help. Nicole pulls her hand walking slowly towards the table sitting down on one of the seats pulling Waverly between her legs causing the brunette to smile. She loves the small things the redhead does and it’s all just to make her smile. Waverly’s hands go to Nicole’s hair taking the braid out running her fingers through her hair enjoying the softness of her girlfriend’s hair between her fingers.

“God that feels so much better.” Nicole admitted with a sigh leaving her lips. “I hate how I have to have my hair for work. It pulls on it so much.”

“I love your hair, but I will admit – I prefer it down.” Waverly moves her fingers until they get to the ends of Nicole’s hair. “I love running my fingers through it and it’s always super soft.”

Grinning, Nicole moves her hands to the back of Waverly’s legs with a smile. “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”

Waverly looks down nodding her head. “Yeah – yeah, of course.”

“Do you though? I mean – you did date Champ Hardy and he doesn’t really seem like a boy who let you talk to him about anything.”

Nicole was right – as per usual. Champ didn’t listen to her issues and pretty much just laughed when she was upset about anything. It wasn’t as though she didn’t trust Nicole, she did, it was just why should she believe Nicole wouldn’t do the same thing. Champ was the reason her insecurities came out and now it could affect her relationship with Nicole too. Her head is packed with so many things currently that she doesn’t notice Nicole pull her closer so she’s sat on her lap. Waverly feels fingers on her back jolting her back to reality.

“Waverly…talk to me.”

Waverly shakes her head looking down at her lap. “You wouldn’t understand.”

She puts her focuses on her fingers in her lap when a finger goes underneath her chin lifting her head so their eyes meet. She sees a twinkle in her eyes she hasn’t ever seen in anybody she’s dated in the past. Waverly just wants to run but she knows Nicole wants her to open up. Is she ready for that though? What if Nicole just acts like Champ? Of course, Waverly doesn’t always compare the both of them, but it’s a possibility for sure.

“I can be surprising,” Nicole said, with a smile. “Try me. I’m all ears.”

Waverly sighed looking down before looking back at Nicole being pulled in by her gaze. She knows she can trust Nicole and they do say facing your fears is supposed to be good for you. Waverly cups her girlfriend’s cheek stroking it with her thumb whilst she tries to get her words together. She can’t believe how soft Nicole’s skin feels – gosh, she really does need to focus.

“So, you know I dated Champ?”

Nicole groans nodding her head moving a hand to Waverly’s leg. “Don’t remind me, Waves.”

“Well – I don’t know how to tell you this – but I’ve never – well – you know,” Waverly mumbles trying her best not to say it out loud. She already feels herself going red.

Nicole raises her eyebrow in confusion. “You’ve never had sex?”

“What? No! I’ve had sex before. Well, I’ve had sex with a guy – Champ to be exact – but I’ve never really – he was…”

Taking Waverly’s hand, Nicole kisses her hand softly. “Take a breather and continue when you’re ready.”

Sighing, Waverly doesn’t feel as though she will ever get out what she wants to say. How do you tell your girlfriend you’re worried she won’t turn you on? How do you tell someone you’ve never been aroused by your previous partners? It is so embarrassing. She’s avoided telling anyone and, frankly, she doesn’t want to tell Nicole but she’s insistent. Of course, Nicole would notice when something is bothering her – she notices things about her a lot more than Champ did.

“Don’t judge me,” Waverly said before taking a breath looking at Nicole. “In my past relationships, I’ve never got – you know – turned on.”

Nicole’s fingers trace over her thigh in a comforting manner. “Never?”

“Never. The first time Champ and I had sex was unbearable. I ended up crying myself to sleep once I knew he was already gone. He only cared about his pleasure so since then I’ve – I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I won’t be disappointed, Waverly,” Nicole assured her cupping her cheek with a smile. “You know why?”

“I’m sure you will be but enlighten me.”

Nicole chuckles shaking her head. “Baby, do you really think all I care about is sex? I mean, I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve even spoken about this.”

“I know and I also know you’re different to anyone I’ve dated previously, but I just -” Waverly drifted off shaking her head. “I actually care about losing you, Nicole.”

Looking down at their fingers, she notices Nicole entwine them together enjoying the feeling she gets just by holding Nicole’s hand. She enjoys the small things and that is what makes their relationship so special. It’s not all about sex and they could literally just sit here all day and talk without either of them getting bored. Well, she certainly wouldn’t get bored anyway. Smiling, she leans against Nicole wrapping her free arm around her girlfriend’s neck trying to forget about the insecurities her head is coming up with. Everything is so much easier with Nicole. She feels a kiss to her shoulder causing a smile to form on her lips.

“You won’t lose me, Waverly Earp. Never.”

“Never is a very long time, Officer Haught.”

Nicole grins nodding her head. “It is indeed. But I want to explain something to you – I know why you’re scared.”

“Yes, because I don’t want us to finally get intimate and have me ruin it.”

Waverly is surprised when she sees her girlfriend shake her head again. “No – what you are really scared of is the fact you’ve never slept with a woman before so you think your body is going to react the same way it did when you were with a boy-man.”

Waverly chuckles. “I cannot believe you still remember the way I described Champ.”

“Ssh – that name is not to be spoken about in this intimate discussion,” Nicole said putting a finger to her lips. “Now, I want you to know something. I know you are insecure, baby – I’ve noticed this about you and I find it adorable. However, the intimacy between us will be completely different. You know why?”

Waverly shakes her head in response. “Because we care about each other?”

“Well I was going to say because we’re women, but your answer works too,” Nicole responds winking at her girlfriend causing Waverly to laugh nudging her playfully with her shoulder. “See? You have nothing to worry about and it’s not even something you need to be even thinking about yet. When you’re ready, you’ll know.”

Looking at Nicole, Waverly couldn’t believe how lucky she got.  Leaning in, she brushes her lips against Nicole’s not being able to stop herself from smiling as her girlfriend kisses back. Even though she has a lot of insecurities to deal with, Nicole is always going to be there to help her deal with them. And even if she can’t always help her feel better, at least Waverly knows she will always be there with her arms open.

“How do you always know what to say?” Waverly asked, moving her other arm to join the one already around Nicole’s neck locking her fingers together. Nicole presses her lips against Waverly’s with a smile.

“Someone has to make the famous Waverly Earp smile - I’m honored it’s me,” Nicole answered standing up lifting Waverly in the process before setting her down wrapping her arms around Waverly’s waist. “So, I was thinking we could just hang out here tonight. I’ve got an early start tomorrow and I know you have a morning shift.”

Waverly grins nodding her head. “I think that sounds fantastic. Is Calamity Jane joining us?”

“Of course – I know how much you love that cat.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Waverly agrees. “You mean she loves me more than you.”

“That is only because you coddle her too much,” Nicole accuses, shaking her head with a smirk before kissing Waverly softly. “However, I’m glad you get along with her. You should see the way she reacted to my ex-girlfriend.”

Waverly shakes her head biting her lip motioning to the door. “Movie night?

“It should be me asking you that after the way you’ve been feeling lately.”

“Well I’m asking you – in your apartment – to have a movie night with me; your girlfriend.”

Nicole laughs nodding her head wrapping Waverly up in a hug. 

“That sounds perfect.”

Waverly forgot all about how insecure she had been feeling and instead pulled her girlfriend out of the kitchen and into the living room sitting down on the couch. Nicole joined her with an arm wrapping around her shoulder turning on the tv.

Waverly couldn’t keep the smile off her face.


End file.
